2023 New Year. Same Me

 Dear Diary,

It's finally the Lunar New Year - if January 1st hasn't gotten off to a great start you can use this one as a do over. It is the year of the Rabbit. The Rabbit in the Chinese Zodiac symbolises, peace, reflection, and quietness.

Time has flown. I feel like a different person from July last year. I am a little bit smarter - I learnt three new words: copacetic, quixotic, sennight to use in Scrabble. I started therapy, restarted driving lessons for the 3rd time, was a model in a catwalk show, finally spoke to my doctor about my leg problem.

Of all the holidays, I like New Years the most. It's a chance to reflect on the time that has passed and consider where I want to go next. Paris, Barcelona, Rome, Edinburgh, new hobbies.

Last year I felt lost, stuck, and sick. And by mid-year I couldn't figure out what changes to make. Choosing between a rock and an unknown place. My body wasn't working the way I wanted it to and I couldn't work out what was happening to me. A perpetual state of stress. Feeling unwell, feeling unwell to work, working to much to make up for time lost. Stress has always been a major trigger for my Crohn's, and dealing with stress requires a choice being made. Which in and of itself is another thing to be stressed about.

Some choices were simple, 1 pillow or 2. The correct answer by the way is 4 (head, back, two for feet). The more abstract ones , when it feels like the rest of my life hangs on that sole decision at that very moment; those choices I think are better made of the heart. I find that often times if I stick with the "logical choice", I burnout faster, feel resentful, get stressed easier, and ultimately untethered to my true self.

In hindsight, the choices I made with my heart, have mostly been right for me. Going to therapy was a decision made one night whilst laying in bed, because I felt like it. As was booking a cheap weekend flight one Sunday morning because there was no perfect time to go.

This year, I don't want to wait half a year to start figuring out what I should do. Being proactive about taking care of my mental and physical health is my priority.

New Year... True Me. I intend for to live this year trying to listen more to my instincts, taking better care of myself, writing every other week on this blog, and making the occasional vlog.

May this year be filled with peace and hope like the gentle spirit of the Rabbit.