Three weddings in one year. 3 relationships I am only an observer to. 6 people whoes lives have coincided with mine. Their time is now. Do I dare hope that one day it will be mine.
I live in two minds about love and relationships. I see beautiful couples who are held together through a common goal.
Couples who buttrrss each others lives and dreams.
Couples whoes eyes only hold each other speaking a language nobody else know.
Sadly I also see so many couples held together by circumstance.
The cost of leaving is too high.
The children they say are too young.
The bonds of friendship have frayed and all that remains are frayed strands of old promises.
Routine is now ritual no longer born of love but of perpetual motion.
They no longer hear each other. As an outsider it’s very strange to observe a couple who's language of foreign to each other but you the outsider understand them both.
I wonder do they fear leaving this world alone?
Perhaps because I see too much of what I don't want. That what I do want feels like a distant mirage of hope.
Beautiful soul meet beautiful soul. Some of us were broken are slowly mending and now we endevour to breach into this known world. Behind the curtain lies a miasma of frailty, tension, desire, anxiety, hope and the dastardly feeling called love.
So as I sit through this wedding and clap for another beautiful couple, I hold on to this devastating hope and respond I'd like to be married one day. To a person who's self is peace and soul feels like home.